My mother-in-law was blessed with many things. Among them was NOT material wealth. But the blessings that my mother-in-law counted were far more important than money and the things that money can buy. Ruth was blessed with an insatiable love of books and music, an incredible sense of dignity and inner strength, and a caring and loving family. These are the things that got her through her last years, but more important, through her entire life.
Ruth's life really came in two halves: The first half began with her birth in 1927 and ended in January of 1975. She was born to a German American Jewish family (she always insisted that she was American, first), and was, by all measures, lacking for nothing. She attended the University of Chicago Lab School and then Northwestern University and Smith College, and finally, she started law school at Northwestern after the War. She had fond memories of her childhood, and there was sown her love of books and reading which carried through her life. There she cemented a wonderful relationship with her brother, Herb, which also provided her with enormous intellectual and emotional support. There also she was taught a sense of propriety-what some of us refer to as her "Victorian" sense of propriety-which translated into the dignity that she displayed so gracefully in these last years. In 1947, she met Mark, quit law school, and married Mark. They had 27 years together and three daughters - her greatest achievement.
With the end of her marriage in 1975, Ruth began the second half of her life. It was a time that was new to her and uncharted. Ruth chose to give up her career as a teacher of children with special needs and to pursue other careers in real estate, as a paralegal, and finally as a tutor. Against the advice of many of us, Ruth was a pioneer who moved to the new South Loop community of Dearborn Park where she became an active and involved member of the community. She made new friends and loved her new home. She aged actively and graciously. OK, you proved us wrong, and we are happy to admit it!
Three years ago, Ruth learned that she had breast cancer. Ruth approached her cancer with the same dignity and grace that was the hallmark of her life. Her doctor treated her agressively with all of the conventional therapies and, as he told me the other night, she responded miraculously. She didn't suffer and she didn't complain. In the last weeks, all of us-including Ruth-knew that her body had changed and her days were numbered.
Ruth blessed us as a role model for aging with strength and dignity. She overcame lots of challenges, didn't complain, and always found a new approach to each challenge with which she was faced. She lived a life of meaning. She was active until the end, both with her work and with her travels. Ruth derived enormous pleasure from her annual trips to England to visit her friends there. She loved to play bridge, knit and garden -- but it cannot at all be said that she let grass grow under her feet!
Ruth blessed us with a display of class and strength that she showed in dealing with her final illness. One of our friends commented yesterday that even when she lost her hair and suffered other effects of the treatments, Ruth never bemoaned her situation. She accepted it with dignity until the end.
Ruth blessed us with a life of passions-passion for music, passion for books. One of her great pleasures in her last years was her job as a volunteer at the Newberry Library, where she could be with books that she loved and people who loved books. But Ruth's biggest passion was her passion for her family. She welcomed TQ and me into her circle as the sons she never had. I have told more than a few friends in recent days as I told Ruth last week: Henny Youngman may have told lots of mother-in-law jokes, but they don't apply to us. I am blessed with acceptance, respect and love. For that I am thankful.
She loved her daughters unconditionally-each for her own personality and style. She accepted each of you for what you are, loved you for it, and enjoyed your company to the end. She appreciated her trips to New York and the family dinners in Oak Park. But she had a special closeness to Joan, who has spent so much time with Ruth and has cared for her so deeply in the last months. For that relationship, and for all that you have done for her, Joan, we are truly blessed..
Most of all, she was blessed by her grandchildren: each of you are unique and have different passions. Ruth respected each of you, had a loving ear for each of you-whether for your homework challenges or the challenges of your love lives. She always wanted to be a part of your lives, and one of the saddest things to her, about her passing, is that she won't know how the story turns out.
For all of this, and countless more, we are blessed. Ruth, our memory of you, your strength, your dignity and your passions is only a part of your legacy. The other legacy that you leave to us is a legacy of love of family and acceptance and support and caring. Our close and caring relationships are the testament to the success of your life. We are blessed that Ruth died without suffering pain and without suffering the indignities that come with the body's breakdown in fighting cancer. We are blessed with knowing that we had time to reflect with you and to say our thanks and goodbyes. But most of all, we are blessed with the memory of how you lived your life, and that will sustain us through these sad times and into happier times ahead.
(Paul Corwin, son-in-law)
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